I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
