cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
