I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
