just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
BRING THE BAGELS
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
