My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
