he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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