i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
