I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
