yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
