Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
