im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
