Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
