Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
