We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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