Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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