Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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