Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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