I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
