i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
