Please, let me fuck your mom
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
