true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
