She is in my trunk
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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