you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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