After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
