Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
