Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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