Yo dont text me then not text me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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