She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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