love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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