Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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