Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
