my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Let's paint friendship bongs
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
