I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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