my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
