Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
