Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
