I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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