Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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