I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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