I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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