this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
