Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
