I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
