Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
