He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My bed smells like the plague
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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