haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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