plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
