but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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