the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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