I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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