omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
