Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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