This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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